Like You Imagined, When You Were Young

So, Turkey day has come and gone and now, it's Christmas time. It's been a while since I've written in here, lack of motivation and laziness are to blame for this issue. There has been really nothing exciting on this end of the block. No news from old friends and that sort. My family is still the same, so I mean there is really nothing new here.

Still haven't heard from that friend. I've deleted her from my myspace, facebook you know those social interacting sites that do nothing but kill time and make you a nosy person. I feel a bit better in doing so, it makes me a bit sad because it seems as if I'm erasing her from my life. Memories of her will soon fade and become nonexistent or close to impossible to remember. But...it was her fault and that's what I think when even the slightest hint of guilt crosses my mind.

Sometimes I think of old friends and wonder what they are up to and why we stopped being close or even friends at all. I'm sure that a big part of the blame is my fault considering I can be very anti-social at times. I've been feeling this way lately. I don't feel like talking to anyone, calling them, or going out to hang out and spend the money I don't have to spend. I think a big problem that I have with hanging out or being around different groups of people is that you have to be different with each one. Now I know that doesn't necessarily mean that you're being false and phony but when do we get to just be ourselves fully and share all the aspects with everyone? Why limit yourself to being a certain way for only this group of people? Honestly there are two people that I feel I can be fully myself with, and that's my mother and John. Everyone else, I don't feel I can be and also there is a part of me that doesn't want to share all of me for fear of being forsaken or condemned.

It's kinda sad isn't it?

Why can't we all just go back to being kids when things like that didn't matter when we actually could fully present ourselves to everyone and not care?

I miss it